


Immolation

by HephaistionsThighs



Series: Immolation Series [3]
Category: Sunshine (2007)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Explicit Sexual Content, Gen, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-15
Updated: 2014-07-15
Packaged: 2018-02-08 22:36:46
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,188
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1958688
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HephaistionsThighs/pseuds/HephaistionsThighs
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"We will pursue any alternatives we can.  But you have to understand that this is a contingency we may be forced to utilize.”</p><p>“We <i>can’t</i> do this,” Mace continued to argue.</p><p>“We’re less than twenty-four hours from the delivery point,” Searle spoke up.  “If there is an alternative, we need to find it soon.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Part 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is a sequel to [Wanting](http://archiveofourown.org/works/1956759) and [Reconciliation](http://archiveofourown.org/works/1958112), but reading those is not required to understand this one. All you need to know is that this story is set in the same timeframe as the movie, and Mace and Capa are already in an established relationship.

Living in space wasn’t so bad.  There was a zen calm to it.  They had the work necessary to stay alive, and little else to do but have deep thoughts and find ways to entertain themselves.

When Mace and Capa would get back to Earth, they might as well just marry each other and settle down, because their lives for the majority of the past year had been a peaceful, domestic existence as a couple.  They found a good way to fill their copious time was to experiment with new and interesting ways to have sex.

It wasn’t a big deal on the ship.  The other crew members knew about it because they weren’t idiots. There was general bemusement and the on-board relationship made some of them uncomfortable, but it hadn’t become an issue of significance.

.

"Concentrate," Capa urged, "You assured me you could perform maintenance under any conditions."

Mace was crouching in front of one of the computer panels of the Payload test control room.  That wasn’t so unusual, however it was somewhat less typical for him to be nude.

He was trying his damn hardest to focus on the job before him, but Capa’s hands were running all over his exposed flesh, taking frequent interest in the space between his legs.  Hot lips and the occasional smooth, wet tongue were not helping matters.

The engineer jerked a little at the tweaking of a nipple.  ”That’s cheating!”

"Shh, don’t get distracted."  Shallow bites began just below Mace’s ear and slowly trailed down the tendon there.

Mace groaned as fingers wrapped around his hardness and stroked.  His hands were noticeably less steady than usual in their work.  He finished the maintenance and hurried to replace the panel cover.

Screws were tightened in a flurry, then the screwdriver was tossed down.  ”Done!”

Capa smiled.  ”Good job, I’m impressed.  Turn over.”

Mace obliged eagerly, maneuvering around and laying back on his elbows.  He was rewarded by Capa slinking in between his legs and going down on him.

Soft wet heat enveloped his most sensitive appendage, and a gasp ground out of his throat.  He closed his eyes and just enjoyed himself until what was left of his brain reminded him Capa might appreciate some praise for all his kind ministrations.

"God, Capa."  Okay, so maybe he didn’t have much eloquence with which to generate praise.  "You’re so good," he managed, "I love you."

The dark-haired man seemed to respond positively to this, one hand moving to add more attention to Mace.

"Can I fuck you?"

Capa released him for a moment.  ”I wish, but I have my own work to get to soon.”

"Oh come on.  You have plenty of time to do that later.  It’s the same thing every time anyway.  The bomb works."

"I already spent too long torturing you.  I have sequences I’m scheduled to run today.  We can fuck tonight," Capa reasoned.

"But I mean…"  Mace was determined to talk his way into sex.  "You’ve got to be hard as hell by now. What kind of person would I be if I didn’t get you off in return?"  He was surprised he was able to make an argument at all in this state.  "That will take a while, so we might as well just make love together and solve both our problems at once."

"You’re almost there," Capa said.  By contrast, he was still fully clothed and didn’t have anything but his boxers for manual stimulation.  "You’ll be done long before I am."

"Well stop suckin’ on it and it will calm down."

Capa sat back and studied Mace, who gave his best come-hither look.  He saw Capa bite his lip and knew he had to be extremely turned on.  He put his hand over Capa's and began rubbing slow circles into it with his thumb.

Capa consented by kissing Mace and straddling him.

.

The  _Icarus I_.  It was half a miracle and half an unwanted ghost.  The Project Icarus mission planners had run innumerable scenarios and crunched endless numbers, but the probability of encountering the other ship had been considered so remote, there had been no protocol established.

"It’s a risk assessment.  The question is: Does the risk of a detour outweigh the benefits of an extra payload?" Searle proposed.

No one said anything, only looking between each other silently.

Mace broke it.  ”We’ll have a vote.”

"No, no," Searle interjected quickly. "No, we won’t.  We’re not a democracy.  We’re a collection of astronauts and scientists.  So we’re going to make the most informed decision available to us."

"Made by you by any chance?" Mace challenged.

Kaneda spoke up, ending the discussion.  ”Made by the person best qualified to understand the complexities of the Payload delivery: our physicist.”

All eyes turned to the corner, to the person most removed from the group.

"Shit."

.

"I know you don’t agree with my decision."

Mace turned to look at Capa and took a deep breath.  He didn’t want to be angry at him.  He knew and trusted that the physicist made the decision he thought was best based on the function of the dark matter bomb.  He still thought he was wrong.  He couldn’t help but harbor some anger.  They should stick to the mission; going to the  _Icarus I_  was not part of the plan.

"That ship will not fly," he said finally.  If it could, the original crew should have made it all the way to the delivery point.

Capa didn’t want a fight.  He knew he had to explain his thinking in the right way to make Mace understand.  ”Unpredictability is the problem,” he said.  ”At this point it doesn’t look like we’ll encounter any problems by detouring, but we don’t know.  There are a huge number of problems that have the potential to present themselves.”

"Are you arguing my point now?" Mace asked.

Capa shook his head.  ”That uncertainty is trumped by another.  The mechanics of the two ships matter, but the real problem comes down to quantum mechanics, neutrino astronomy, nuclear physics…  The fact of the matter is, my bomb might not work.  And it wouldn’t necessarily be because the design is just wrong.  There are infinite variables…”

Capa’s eyes moved in thought and Mace knew he could never fully understand the things going through his lover’s head in that moment.

"If the first one doesn’t work, there’s still a real chance the second one would.  Two last hopes are better than one."

Mace nodded slowly.  ”Okay.  I hope this goes routinely.”

.

The couple passed through the flight deck where the ship’s navigator had his calculations laid out.

"Don’t forget the shields," Capa said as they went.

"I’ve got it, Capa."  Trey’s voice held a restrained irritation.  All of the crew members were brilliant, but only two of them stood far above the rest as  _geniuses_.  Trey always quietly resented being considered the ‘other’, secondary genius, and his self-confidence didn’t need the other child prodigy on board encroaching on his work.

Mace gave Trey a sympathetic look and followed his boyfriend out.

.

Capa watched Mace reading.

People didn’t seem to notice just how beautiful Mace was.  Perfectly shaped muscles shifted beneath pale skin.  The perfectly shaped quality of Mace’s body deserved elaboration in Capa’s mind.  The structure of his form had bulges and dips Capa’s own never had.  His composition was dense; when he tensed the muscles became tight and hard.  Capa loved watching them twitch and ripple under his touch.

Unable to resist, he ran a hand down Mace’s chest.  The engineer glanced toward him and gave a small smile.  It was a tight fit for them to lie together on the bed, but they were accustomed to managing.

Capa turned his contemplation toward his lover’s face.  People liked to remark upon Capa’s eyes, but the physicist was partial to Mace’s blues.  Framed nicely by the man’s strong brow, they were a greyer blue than Capa’s and had yellow around the iris that reminded Capa of the light of the Sun’s corona in an eclipse.

"What are you looking at?" Mace asked curiously.

Capa just smiled.

"C’mere."  Mace set his book aside – not  _his_  book, he hadn’t brought any, but one borrowed from Cassie - and pulled Capa into his arms.

Capa hugged him in return, body settling into place against Mace’s.  He was anxious about their impending rendezvous with  _Icarus I_ , but he still felt content in this moment.

He thought enough credit wasn’t given to Mace’s personality, either.  The man did have some problems expressing his emotions - he had been trained to suppress so much in favor of hard-cut black and white thinking that everything else inside him had a bad habit of seeping out in antagonism toward his crewmates or bursting out in anger or overreaction.  But his extended closeness to Capa made their interactions the exception to the rule, and Capa felt fortunate to have access to Mace’s deeper nature. There could also be no doubt that having Capa helped keep Mace more calm and steady.

In truth, Mace was a good guy.  Highly intelligent but unconcerned with pretension, straight-forward and genuine, Mace had a strength to him that Capa couldn’t help but feel strongly attracted to.  Now that they were no longer at each other’s throats every day, Mace was really quite companionable and - dare he say it - sweet.

Capa pressed his lips to Mace’s skin.  ”I love you.”

"…love you…" Mace mumbled, already half asleep.

.

The docking procedure between the  _Icarus II_  and its wayward predecessor was rocky, which only heightened the apprehensive tension among the crew.

The ship was stable, but the resilience of its structure did nothing to detract from the sense that it was decaying.  So much dust, it was like the walls themselves were sloughing dead flesh.

Kaneda and Searle went to the living quarters, both looking for any record of what had caused the mission to fail.  Corazon went to the oxygen garden.  Mace went to the flight deck to see if they would be able to operate the ship.  Capa went to the Payload.

The physicist entered the vast bomb chamber.  To say it was eerie was an understatement.  Capa was the only  _Icarus II_  crew member to have been on the  _Icarus I_  before.  He had spent a great deal of time here, actually.  The stellar bomb was built in space, and he had been present intermittently for its construction and constantly for its testing.  He’d slept here.  This was his baby.

It was supposed to be the one and only.  He wasn’t supposed to ever be back here again after he let it go.

As he crossed the long path toward the door to the interior, a chilling voice echoed through the dark void around him.

"I am Pinbacker, commander of the Icarus.  We have abandoned our mission.  Our star is dying!  All our science, all our hopes, our…  Our dreams are foolish!  In the face of this…  We are  _dust_ , nothing more. And to this dust we will return.  When He chooses for us to die, it is not our place to challenge God.”

Capa did not shudder, but the instinct to do so was strong.

"Okay, that make sense to anyone?" Mace’s voice over the comm tags broke the effect, and the reports between the others continued.

Capa continued down into the interior platform and plugged into the console.  The lights came on, fingers executed a well-known routine, and tiny miracles sparked to brilliant life around him.

Capa smiled.  It worked, and it was so beautiful.  There had been a time when making this thing go off was the only thing that would make him smile.

"The Payload is fully operational."

"Repeat, Capa?" Kaneda requested.

"The Payload is fully operational, it’s A-okay," he reported again.

"Excellent.  It looks like the detour gave us what we hoped."

Capa had a lifting feeling of joy.  This meant they had two shots; this could make the difference that would save mankind.  But his joy was short-lived.

"No it didn’t."  Mace’s voice came through.

"Go ahead, Mace," the captain prompted.

"I know what caused the distress signal.  There was a coolant failure of some kind, and the bottom line is it doesn’t matter that there’s an extra payload.  Without the mainframe, we can’t fly.  It’s been sabotaged."

The detour had been for nothing.  One last hope was all they would have.  All they had gained was the knowledge that their heroes, the men and women they had years ago been sure would save the Earth, had lost faith in their mission and chosen to let humanity die.

"I got something to say."  Searle’s voice seemed removed from everything else being discussed.  "I found the crew."

The recent moment of joy may not have existed.  Capa turned the console off, plunging his creation into final darkness.

.

He joined Searle and Kenada in the observation room.

"What happened?"

"They had an epiphany… saw the light."

"They burned themselves?"  Emotion shook his normally even tone.

Mace entered silently.  He saw Capa looking especially pale and staring at one of the charred skeletons. He moved to his side, a gesture both comforting and instinctively protective.

"Nakazawa…"  A metal bar was visible in the burned form’s arm.  Dr. Thomas Nakazawa had it permanently implanted after a bad broken bone when he was thirty-eight.

Nakazawa had been the  _Icarus I_  physicist.  He had been Capa’s friend and the closest thing to his intellectual equal.  They both operated on a different wavelength from the rest of the population, and Nakazawa had been absolutely key in bringing the young Robert Capa’s idea into reality.  They had exchanged weekly messages until the  _Icarus I_  had entered the dead zone, and Capa had always wondered with distress what had happened to him.

"He wouldn’t do this," Capa said.  Mace couldn’t hear real conviction in his voice.  The man needed denial to deal with his colleague’s self-inflicted fate.  He could tell Capa hadn’t been prepared for this level of horror.  He hadn’t been either, but he wasn’t as affected.  For himself, he didn’t feel much grief for the  _Icarus I_  crew.

"I suspect the observation filter was fully open," Searle said.  "If we weren’t behind the screen of  _Icarus II_ , we’d join them.  Ashes to ashes…  Stardust to stardust…”

.

Cassie and Harvey were staying on the flight deck to talk to the exploring crew.  Trey paced behind them anxiously.

Learning of the first crew’s fate made him fight the desire to tell Harvey to call the others back quickly. They were safe behind the shield, but, against logic, he couldn’t shake the feeling that the threat that had ended  _Icarus I_  was still there with the corpses.

He made his way to the airlock, as if waiting for them would make them return sooner.  He turned the last corner and froze.

There…  He stepped back, a bodily reaction to his own shock.

"There’s a… thing!" he shouted.  He didn’t even know what he was seeing.

The face of the entity turned toward him.

"It’s a person!  There’s someone else on the ship!"

The image before Trey’s eyes shook.  What he was seeing didn’t seem real or possible.  It didn’t make sense.  The figure turned away from him and moved toward the auxiliary airlock controls.

Trey just stared until his training kicked in.  He could hear urgent questions coming through the communication link, but there wasn’t time to answer, he could only charge forward and tackle the unknown being.

The creature was pushed away from the controls and knocked to the floor under the young mathematician’s force.  But it struck back, and Trey was quickly pinned with a hand around his throat.

.

Seven panicked astronauts converged on the passage between the two ships.

Cassie and Harvey got there first.  They both stilled for a moment of disbelief at what they were seeing, but the flailing form of their crewmate beneath the anomaly made them move.

It didn’t even seem to be a creature made of flesh that they pulled away.  Light bent and warped around what might once have been a man, and his skin made a horrible sound when they touched it.

Trey was freed with a gasp and a cough, but his assailant threw Cassie’s light weight away and shoved Harvey backward.

Corazon arrived next.  She hadn’t been with the others in the observation room; she had no interest in seeing death.

"What happened?  What’s going on?"

The monster was gone.

"One of the other crew is on the ship," Harvey said breathlessly.

"He tried to decouple the airlock!" Trey supplied.

"Where is he?" Kaneda and the others arrived at a run.  "Trey!  Where did he go?"

"I don’t know—"

"He’s still on the ship," Harvey said.  "I’m not sure which way he went…"  The officer’s eyes darted between the surrounding doorways.

"Cassie, move us away from the  _Icarus I_ ,” the captain ordered.  ”Icarus, where is the unknown person on board?”

_“Mainframe room.”_

"Shit!"  Mace’s exclamation was appropriate as he disappeared down the corridor at a sprint.

.

The ship’s lights went off and were replaced by the sparse emergency lights as Mace arrived.  Kaneda and Capa were right behind him.

All four mainframe towers were standing out of the coolant.

"You cannot fight the will of God," the terrible voice came from the shadows.

But this was no deity, this was one insane man.  The other men didn’t know why he was doing this or what had happened to him - all that mattered was that he was trying to stop their mission.

Mace attacked him, striking hard and fast.  The other was inhumanly strong, and grabbed the engineer by the throat in between blows, throwing him into one of the mainframes with a crash.

Kaneda blocked the invader from pursuing retaliation against Mace.  The captain’s opponent was much larger than him, but Captain Akira Kaneda was not about to allow anything to cause his mission to fail.

When Searle arrived, the others had the mutated being overpowered, though not easily.  The doctor plunged a syringe into the juncture of the burned man’s neck and shoulder.  He kept fighting, but gradually stopped and slumped to the floor when his saner successors released him.

Shaky breaths filled the dark room.

"Pinbacker."  By the stripe of light cast across the prone man’s face, Capa’s mind caught up enough to realize who this was.

"Searle, help me bring him to the medical bay," Kaneda ordered.  "Mace, get this fixed!"

The mainframe was still out of the coolant, the sub-system monitor was flashing the short amount of time they had to amend that before heat damage became permanent.  A few of the computer boards had been cracked during the fight, one even had a jagged chunk broken off and lying on the floor.

He addressed the crew as a whole over the comm tags, “Everyone get to the mainframe room to assist in repairs.  Corazon, bring portable lights.”

.

Capa wrapped his arms around Mace’s shivering body, rubbing him through the blanket and lending his body heat.  His partner had been forced to submerge himself in the coolant tanks in order to lower the mainframe stacks.

Mace’s teeth chattered and he leaned into Capa more.  He wanted nothing more than to be enveloped by Capa and let him take care of him for the next eternity.

Searle brought another heated blanket and helped Capa tuck it firmly around Mace.

Pinbacker was dead.  The captain of the  _Icarus I_  had gone quickly and quietly by way of a sedative overdose.  With a whimper, as the hollow men would say.  They would never know what had caused such an extreme and complete transformation in the once principled man.

"We’ll need you to help the others go through the system and see the effects of the damage," Searle said.

Capa looked reluctant to leave Mace.  ”Alright.”

"You can have a few minutes more," the psychologist added kindly.

"Thank you."  Capa stroked Mace’s back.

"Too s-stiff to le-let him go, anyw-way," the engineer got out with a miniscule chattering laugh.

With the two men’s care, Mace’s body temperature was soon returned to normal and it was safe enough for him to sleep and recover his strength.

Searle went with the couple as Capa brought Mace to the living quarters.  It was a little funny to watch the smaller man support the bigger one, and he took note of the fact that Capa didn’t stop at the engineer’s room but rather his own.

Mace and Capa made an extremely unexpected pairing, but they had become inexorably endearing to Searle.  Seeing them so in love every day made him happy and sad at the same time.  He was glad they had found each other, but they made him wish he had someone of his own to be that close with.

Capa escorted Mace to his bed and pulled the sheets and blanket over him, crouching to be at his eye level and caressing his short hair.  Mace took hold of Capa’s hand.

"Don’t go," he murmured.

"I have to.  I need to make sure we’re okay," Capa said gently.

Mace relented and let him go.  Capa gave him a soft, chaste kiss and left him.

.

Mace found Capa at one of the consoles on the flight deck, brow furrowed at the screen in front of him.

"What’s going on?  Kaneda said you were going to check the Payload and report back to him, and that was over an hour ago."

The engineer hadn’t stayed asleep for long; his body was tired, but his mind was in mission mode and couldn’t rest while his ship was in disrepair.

Capa kept at what he was doing, only turning his head slightly toward Mace for a moment without actually looking at him.  ”Not right now.  I need to do this.”  Capa was preoccupied and didn’t have excess focus to allow for Mace distracting him.

"Is there a problem?" Mace asked.

"Mace, I need to concentrate.  Can you talk to me later?"  It was the indirect way of saying, ‘Can you just leave me alone?’

"Okay."  Mace backed off and left the other to his work.  That was very unusual, though.  Normally Capa was fine with him hanging around while he worked; just as Mace could finish a job while Capa was testing every ounce of his resolve, Capa was quite comfortable with holding a conversation while processing massive equations in his head.

.

The crew was assembled once Capa finally reemerged from the Payload.  The rest of the damage assessment had been completed some time ago, but they had been waiting for the most critical component.  Capa waited quietly for everyone to gather and for the captain to signal him to begin.

"The Payload is operational."  The man’s affect warded off any cheering over this good news.  "But we no longer have the ability to initiate the detonation sequence from the flight computer."

"We can’t detonate?" Harvey asked with a definite tinge of panic in his tone.

"No, we can still detonate," Capa clarified, "but the delivery program was lost in the damage to the mainframe.  I will initiate detonation from inside the Payload."

"Can you do that before the separation?" Cassie asked.

Capa paused.  ”No.  Normally detonation would be automated as the end of the delivery sequence.  Now we need to manually initiate delivery, and then manually initiate detonation once the Payload reaches the Sun’s interior.”

Mace straightened abruptly.  ”From inside the Payload?”  He had just grasped what exactly Capa was saying.

Capa met his eyes.  He had avoided looking at him up to this point.

"Yes."

"No.  No way in hell.  We’ll find another way," Mace said firmly.

"I’m open to suggestions, but I haven’t come across any alternatives yet."  Capa’s voice was flat and worn; he was mentally and emotionally exhausted by this point.  He couldn’t keep looking at Mace and try to square with the fact that when they had woken up they were going to spend their whole lives together, and now he had no life left to spend.

"Well fuck that plan!  We’re not doing that!"

"Mace—" the captain began.

"No!  He’d die!"

"Mace!"  The engineer went quiet for Kaneda to speak.  "We will pursue any alternatives we can.  But you have to understand that this is a contingency we may be forced to utilize.”  He wasn’t being callous, but he was being firm on this point.  The mission was more important than any of their lives.

“We  _can’t_  do this,” Mace continued to argue.

“We’re less than twenty-four hours from the delivery point,” Searle spoke up.  “If there is an alternative, we need to find it soon.”


	2. Part 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story only has two parts, Chapter 3 is an alternate version.

Mace was trained to do all the essential maintenance and foreseeable repairs on the mainframe, but it hadn’t been foreseen that someone would physically throw something – like an engineer – at the computer boards themselves.  With the energy and space the mainframe required, a complete on-board back-up wasn’t feasible.  The tiny wires and circuitry connections had such a level of intricacy and delicacy, they weren’t meant to ever be repaired.

Mace had to try, though.  He thought if he could just get the damaged portions reconnected for a few minutes, he could to transfer the delivery program onto an empty section of the mainframe.

Harvey was helping him, but they worked together in silence.  He sensed there wasn’t anything he could say that wouldn’t only serve to push Mace’s strained temper over the edge.

“What does it say?” Mace called.  He was holding the connection to one of the broken boards in place while Harvey watched the monitor.

Harvey hesitated to reply.  “Nothing.  It doesn’t recognize the connection, just like last time.”

.

"I can do it."

Searle watched Capa contemplatively.

"I’ll do it," the younger man asserted again.

Searle was seeing him for a psych evaluation.

"How do you feel about dying?"

"I’m okay with it."

"Capa, you can tell me."

Capa’s hands fidgeted nervously as he considered.  “I don’t want to die.  But I’m not afraid of it.  And I know I can do what I have to.”

Scientific knowledge was naturally the motivating factor behind Capa’s placement on the _Icarus II_ , but psychology had been a large part in the decision as well.  Capa wasn’t on the first Icarus because he had simply been too young, but by the time they were selecting the _Icarus II_ crew, he was perfectly suited for both the long space flight and the responsibility of the Payload delivery.

"I believe you; I know you can do it.  But I still want to know how you feel about having to do it," Searle said.

Capa looked at the psychologist for a long while.  “I wish I didn’t have to.  I had started making plans for life.”  He was quiet for a moment.  “But most of those plans were dependent on the successful detonation of the Payload, and the population of Earth not having frozen to death within a few decades.”

That really wasn’t an answer.  Silence spanned between them again.

"I can do it.  That’s all that matters."

.

The mainframe panels hadn’t been repairable.  Mace had fallen into a deep, angry despair by the time the crew gathered for a meal.  It was uncomfortable and quiet.  The crew didn’t know what would be appropriate to say to Capa now, and Capa didn’t particularly want them to say anything.

"This is bullshit!"  Mace broke the silence.  "This is such utter, complete bullshit!"  He looked at the crew accusingly, as if it were their faults, they were the ones causing this.

"This time tomorrow we’ll be on our way home, as if nothing’s wrong!  You all get to go back to your families, Corazon gets to go back to her husband, Harvey gets to go back to his wife, but Capa has to lay down his life for this!"

No one tried to contradict or calm him, as they might at his usual outbursts.  They all knew how he felt about Capa.

"And all because of a fucking computer problem!  And you—"  He pointed accusingly at the captain.  "You’re not doing anything to help him!  You’re just sitting idly by and waiting for him die!"

"Mace, _stop_ it,” Capa broke in, pleading.  He couldn’t deal with getting ready for what he had to do, and everything that was going on in his head, and Mace at the same time.

“They’re not doing shit!  They’re content to just—“

"Why do you think I’m on the ship?" Capa demanded suddenly.  Mace stared at him.

"Why do you think I’m here?  I’m here to do _this_.  Icarus is programmed to automate the detonation of the Payload.  We designed it that way.  It didn’t have to be me initiating the delivery - there were dozens of astrophysicists to choose from who could have done that.  I’m here so that if it had to be done manually, there would be someone who could do it manually.  So that’s what I’m going to do.”

Mace didn’t say anything, none of the crew said anything.  Capa left the room.

.

Mace followed him.  Capa was already half-way into his quarters when Mace caught up with him, but the taller man still pushed him in the rest of the way, pressing him into the wall with his own body.  He took hold of his wrists, intertwining their fingers on one side, pinning him in place.

"Listen," he stressed, "You are not going to go into that bomb and kill yourself."

"There isn’t a choice, Mace."

"No!"  Mace actually shook a little in that moment from all the fear inside him.  "This is _insane_.  You will _die_.  I’m not letting that happen!”

"There’s no other way.  We’ve looked," Capa said a little desperately.  He and Trey had spent hours trying to write a code that would let them detonate remotely, but there was no real chance they would be able to recreate a program that had taken a team of physicists, engineers, and computer scientists years to perfect.  Mace wasn’t making this easier for him.

"And you’re okay with that?"  Mace’s voice broke and his eyes broke, shining in a way that looked unnatural in his strong face.  It was becoming hard for him to speak.  "You don’t feel anything about your own death?"

Capa didn’t say anything.

“You won’t miss me?” Mace asked.

"I won’t be able to…”  It ached in his chest to see Mace cry.

Mace made a sound; he knew what Capa said was true, but it hurt him to hear.

“I love you,” Capa said.  The declaration was out of place, but needed.

Then Mace was kissing him, hard, taking Capa’s breath away and leaving him deaf as his entire perception isolated to Mace and the force of his body.  But it was only for a moment, and then the rest of the endangered solar system clamored for his attention again.

He pulled back with a gasp.  “I… I cant.  There’s not enough time, I have to do things…” All he wanted right now was to be here with Mace, but he had things to put in order, preparations to make.

One of Mace’s hands released his wrist, but only to bury in his hair instead.  “There’s not gonna be any more time for us.”  He kissed him again before Capa could argue further.

Denial and grief and anger were all warring inside Mace.  His grip tightened on his lover.  “How can you be so okay with this?” he demanded.  It made him furious that Capa was simply accepting his death sentence.  If Capa had refused the assignment, had said he wasn’t willing to sacrifice himself, Mace would be damned if he didn’t stop anyone trying to make him.  He hated Capa for not letting him protect him.

"It was always a possibility," Capa said.  “We both knew that.”

"Stop talking like that!  You’re going to die!"

"Would you be willing to die for this mission?" Capa asked.

"Of course."  Of course he would.

"Hypocrite."

"Shut _up_.”  Mace’s hands were moving, undoing the clasp of Capa’s fly and yanking down the zipper.  Capa didn’t stop him, just moaned when Mace pushed his pants and boxers away and wrapped a hand around him.

Capa felt his shirt tear open against his back.  He almost protested, he only had twelve shirts for the whole length of the mission, but then he remembered how absolutely little that mattered now.

Mace ripped Capa’s shirt to pieces until the physicist was practically nude in his hands, taking as many kisses from his lips as he could the whole time.  He pulled him away from the wall and guided him onto the bed.

Capa felt his hold on his determination, his important forced calm, slipping as Mace touched him everywhere, pulling his pants the rest of the way off as if they were only an obstacle in the engineer’s way, throwing his own clothes behind him, warm wide palms moving over Capa’s bare back, caressing his thighs.  Capa was silent, but he was shaken.  Was this the last time Mace would touch him like this?

He cried out in shocked pain.  Mace, in his fervor, rush, desperation, had started pushing into Capa without warning.

"God, Capa—“  Anger fled Mace in an instant as he realized what he’d done.  “I’m sorry!  I’m so sorry!"  

Capa’s hands clutched at Mace’s back, trying to stop him from moving too far away.  “Don’t stop!  I’m okay.”  He was shaking, belying his words.  “Please, don’t stop.”

But Mace was loosening himself from Capa’s grasp, sliding off the edge of the bed to kneel between his legs.  A tear on his cheek was lost against the skin of Capa’s inner thigh.  “I’m so sorry,” his voice was thick.  “I didn’t mean to.”

“I know.  It’s okay.”  His sense of calm was entirely gone now, and he felt tears burn his eyes as all the harsh truths he had been dutifully ignoring came to the surface with sharp immediacy.  Remembering what he had to live for was throwing him into a panic.  Mace seemed unwilling to continue, but Capa couldn’t lose this last chance.  “I’m not ready to be done doing this with you.”

Mace didn’t move at first, then slowly turned his face and kissed Capa’s skin.  He kissed up his leg, to the juncture of his hips.  “I’ll hate you for leaving me.”

Capa didn’t get a chance to answer, any words he may have said lost in a gasp as Mace’s lips pressed worshipfully to the smooth side of his penis.  He kissed him there, twice, before turning and opening a drawer in Capa’s dresser, retrieving the bottle of lube they kept carefully stored there.

He poured the oil into his palm, beginning to slowly prepare Capa.  The extra slickness left on his hand aided in bringing Capa back to full arousal, Mace stroking him steadily.

Capa ran his fingers through Mace’s short hair.  “Come back up on the bed, I want to touch you.”

Mace did so, and for a few minutes they just moved against each other and kissed.  Capa’s fingers traced the small remains of Mace’s bullet scars, one on his arm and one on his thigh.  Mace’s hand slid over the long but faint scar on Capa’s back; he had been so angry when he first saw it, months ago, that something had come so close to killing Capa.  Then Mace pressed into him – carefully this time – and they rested that way for a moment, savoring the feeling of being fully joined.

Mace began moving on top of him, sending pleasure through Capa’s body.  Still, Capa trembled.  “I’m scared.”

Mace held him closer, kissing his cheeks.  He was scared too.

“I’m scared, Mace.”  Mace didn’t know what to do; Capa didn’t know what he wanted him to do.

He wanted to enjoy this moment, to focus on the physical sensations of their sex, but thinking how it was the _last time, last time_ , was terrifying him.

“My nightmare…”  Mace knew the one he meant, he’d had it often enough that he finally told him about it.  “It’s going to be real.  Falling into the Sun.”

In the same moment, he arched in ecstasy.  His fear wasn’t enough to hinder his body’s reactions, and it loved the things Mace’s body did to it.  There wasn’t anything Mace could do to comfort him but to make love to him and wipe away the tears that escaped.

They took their time, pace slow as Capa confessed how afraid he was, of burning, of dying.  For his part, Mace couldn’t speak.  He held onto the sound of Capa’s breaths, his heartbeat pressed against his own.  Heaving with life.  They came nearly together, Capa first and Mace following closely after.

The physicist had gone quiet toward the end, with the exception of their mutual noisy exhales, so Mace was further despaired when, with his head on his chest and breathing slower now, Capa spoke again, “I’ll do it though.  We’ve got to do this.”

Mace started to move again, to get out of the bed this time.  He couldn’t be lying here, as soothing as it was, when he needed to be working on finding a way to make sure he and Capa could keep lying together post-coitus for many years to come.

Capa grabbed his arm.  “Please wait.”  Looking at him, Mace could tell the physicist’s resolve wasn’t fully back yet; he was still vulnerable.  “Just stay, just for a little while.”

It seemed like a long time ago that Mace had been here asking the same thing from Capa.  It was barely in the past at all, but it had been entirely different circumstances.

Mace couldn’t deny him.  He laid down again, staying awake while Capa drifted off.  He’d let him sleep if he wanted to.  Watching him, his thoughts wandered backwards.

.

 _Earth Orbit Training aboard the_ International Space Station IV _.  They had initiated their relationship some time ago, and hadn’t yet had their temporary separation.  Unlike their later relationship on the_ Icarus II _, they were being secret about this one.  They knew they would probably be kicked off the mission – and rightly so – if anyone found out about it._

 _Fortunately, the_ ISS IV _was large and small enough that each sleeping quarter contained two crew members.  They didn’t really have a say in who bunked with whom, but luck or some scheme in Searle’s mind had Mace and Capa sharing a room._

_They’d taken both of their sleeping bags and zipped them up together, creating one large enough for them to share.  They hadn’t strapped themselves to the wall like they were supposed to, so instead they were suspended mid-air, floating in the lack of gravity._

_Mace had noticed Capa seemed to need more sleep than him.  Maybe it was because of his nightmares, maybe it was simply because he wasn’t used to the early mornings a military career required.  But either way, Mace enjoyed having time to watch Capa while the smaller man slept._

_With his relationships in the past, cuddling was not something he could say he enjoyed.  It just seemed like lying around doing nothing to him, and he always wondered how long he had to do it before he could leave.  With Capa, he truly loved to just hold him._

_He felt the moment Capa woke up.  His lover went from very still, only the gentle motions of his chest, to subtly shifting.  He hugged Mace’s arms around his chest and Mace hugged him back, nuzzling into his neck.  Capa sighed warmly and turned around, wrapping his arms around the engineer in return._

_“How long do we have?”_

_“A while, another hour maybe.”  Mace touched his forehead to Capa’s and stole a morning kiss._

.

”Mom and Dad.”  Capa gathered himself for a second.  “I’m recording this message for you because… not everything went according to plan.  Our crew didn’t fail, but there were circumstances, that I’m sure will be explained to you in more depth later, that forced the plan to change.  The Icarus mainframe was damaged, and the Payload needs to be donated manually.  So I’ll be doing that in a little while.”  He took a deep breath.  “I know this isn’t easy to hear, but you have to know that this is what I wanted.  You both know I’ve dedicated my life to this project, and I’m going to do this because it secures the safety of our planet.”

What do you say to the people who’ve loved you your whole life when you’re about to kill yourself?

“Please don’t be mad at the crew.  It’s not their fault, and there’s nothing else that could be done.”

He went silent again.

“Mace… won’t ask for your help.  But if you could please give it to him when he gets home… I would really appreciate that.  I know this isn’t what you wanted, but you know I’m doing the right thing.  I love you.”  He took a breath and swallowed.  “This is goodbye, I guess.”

He hit the Stop button.  ‘This is goodbye, I guess’?  He couldn’t think of anything better than that?  It didn’t matter, he couldn’t stand recording another one.  Then he remembered he needed to send one to his sister as well.

.

“Are we ready for the fallout with Mace?” Searle asked.  It wasn’t really a question, though, and the captain knew it.

Kaneda sighed.  This was exactly why he didn’t want this kind of relationship on his ship, as sympathetic to the couple as he was.  “Better get in there and find out how bad it’s going to be.”

.

“I shouldn’t be in here, we don’t have time for this.”  Mace had his arms crossed over his chest, defensive and angry.

“The rest of the crew are still working on the problem, but this is a necessary part of the process,” Searle explained.

“’The process’?  Is that what you’re calling it?”  Mace looked at him, then to the sunglasses hanging on his shirt.  They had originally belonged to Capa; he’d given them to Searle earlier in the mission when he noticed the psychologist’s fondness for gazing at the Sun.

“How do you feel about Capa having to complete the mission in this way?” Searle asked.

“Fuck, Searle.”  Mace covered his face with a hand.

The doctor waited.

“Well how the fuck do you think I feel?” Mace asked finally.

“I’m trying to find that out,” Searle replied.

“I _can’t_ lose him.  Okay?  I can’t.  You can think whatever the hell you want about that, but I—“  Mace stopped himself.

Searle waited again.

“I can’t deal with one minute he’s here, and the next minute he’s going to be gone.  That I can touch his bare shoulder, and all the skin and flesh and bone there is going to be destroyed.”

With a certain clinical numbness, Searle noted that Mace was having a normal reaction to his situation.  The denial, the wet redness in his eyes, the tightness in his voice – this was all normal.

“He’s going to burn alive, Searle.”

Perfectly normal.  Capa’s oncoming death was pretty horrific, even if it was likely he would be incinerated in a matter of only moments, and added to this was the great strain of Mace being forced to know in advance that it was coming.  Capa hadn’t been killed in an unforeseen accident or sudden attack; he was still alive.  He was still breathing and talking to Mace, but Mace had to yield him to death.

This wasn’t just a patient case for Searle.  Capa was his friend.  He didn’t want him to die.  He couldn’t focus on that, though.

“His eyes—  Can you look at him, and honestly tell me he doesn’t have the most remarkable eyes you’ve ever seen?”  Mace gestured toward the wall, to the rest of the ship and the unseen Capa beyond.

“No, I can’t.”

“Soon he’s never going to look at me again.  I’ll never see him again.  Every bit of him is going to burn and blacken and disintegrate…”  He was showing his emotions more physically now.  “And he’s just walking into it.”

“You know he has no choice.”

It took Mace some time to reply.  He was wracked with restrained sobs, held in, nearly silent.  “I can’t—  I can’t—  I have to go!  I need to be working on this!”  Mace pushed out the door, and Searle didn’t try to stop him.

.

Capa and Kaneda were in the Payload, going over the manual detonation sequence.  Capa had done this a few hundred times in training, preparing for this contingency all along, but the captain was actually only vaguely familiar with it, being far more focused on the original, best option.

Capa finished dictating the last entry on the control panel.

"And then what?"

"Then… that’s it.  The detonation progresses on its own from there."  In theory at least, the atoms would continue to split exponentially, creating the cosmic explosion they needed.  It was weird; in training, this has been a bit of a laugh.  You were ‘dead’ at the end, but you still had to go reset the simulation.

"Show me again," Kaneda requested.

"Captain, I know how it goes."  Capa knew the other just wanted to be completely confident in the new plan, but the physicist didn’t need any practice at this.

"I know.  I want to make sure I know as well.”

Capa began resetting the sequence to show him again, but Kaneda could tell he wasn’t happy about it.  He could imagine he’d rather be spending his limited time on something else.

“I just want to make sure we aren’t losing you for nothing,” the captain explained.

.

Capa was so young.  That’s what bothered Kaneda most about what was going to happen.  He had always tried to look after Capa to some extent, as the youngest crew member, the only non-astronaut, the outsider.  Searle always insisted Capa didn’t need looking-after.

His thoughts were interrupted by a knock on his door.  “Come in.”

Searle had waited until some time after his report on Mace’s mental state to approach the captain with this.  He didn’t want it to seem like an impulsive decision.  “I want to take Capa’s place.”

Kaneda was a difficult man to read, but Searle could tell his request had come as a surprise.  “You are not qualified.”

"Capa can teach me."

"Not well enough.  And do you really think he’d agree to that?"

Searle doubted it.  But one person’s permission at a time.  “He wants to be with Mace.”

"Is that what this is about?" Kaneda asked.  "You think Capa deserves to live more than you because you’re not in a relationship?"

"Capa has done enough.  It’s only because of him that we even have the bomb.  He shouldn’t have to do this too."  It was an emotional, not rational, argument.

Kaneda shook his head.  “This is not a discussion.  No one else on board is qualified to manually detonate the Payload.”

.

Capa found Cassie sitting by herself, wiping her raw nose with a cloth tissue.  He sat beside her, “Hey.”

She sniffed and looked at him, then began crying again.  She wrapped her arms around him, and he put his arm around her shoulders.  There had always been some kind of gentle closeness between them.  “I don’t want you to die,” she managed.

Capa rubbed her back.  “If it helps at all, I’m okay with it.”  That was a lie.  The Capa that wasn’t in love with Mace was okay with it, he had come to terms with his death and accepted the necessity of the sacrifice.  But the real Capa was in love with Mace.

.

"I need a minute," Kaneda requested.

Capa nodded, turning away from a diagram on the table.  They were still trying to work a way out of this.  The captain led him into the comm’s center, closing the door behind him.

"I want to offer to initiate the detonation myself."  Searle’s irrational argument had gotten into his head after all.

Capa’s brows drew together.  “What?”

"Considering Mace’s attachment to you and your great potential for developing future scientific advances, I think it would be better for both the crew and the human race if you return to Earth in one piece," Kaneda explained.

Capa clearly did not understand this reasoning’s supposed logic at all.  “And how is the crew supposed to get back to Earth without you?”

"Harvey is more than capable of taking over my duties.  He’s very qualified."

"I’m sure he is."  Capa had seen their second-in-command’s impressive record before.  "But how are you going to detonate the Payload?  I don’t remember seeing a physics doctorate in your file…"

"You did show me the procedure several times," Kaneda said.  "I believe I am capable of performing it."

"Kaneda.  I appreciate what you’re trying to do.  But it’s not possible, and I couldn’t accept if it were."

.

They were out of time.  If they delayed any longer, they risked missing their optimal approach to the coronal hole in the south polar cap.

Mace helped Capa get dressed.  Capa didn’t need the help, but Mace wanted to do it.  He was shaking.

"It’s gonna be fine," Capa reassured him.  "It’s gonna be okay."

Mace swallowed and nodded.  Capa had to do this.  Capa had to do this.

The rest of the crew had moved to the flight control bridge; only Mace was going with the Capa to the Payload entrance.  They came to a stop at the door.  Capa would be going through it, Mace would be staying here.

A full minute passed as they stood there.

"I have to go, Mace," Capa said quietly.

Mace nodded again.  Save the world.  Capa has to save the world.  You help save the world by not stopping him.  Save the world.

Capa held both of his hands.  He leaned up and pressed his lips gently to Mace’s.  He let go of his hands and stepped back.  “Good bye.”

Capa began to turn toward the door, but suddenly Mace reached for him again and held onto him tightly.  “I can’t!”  His quiet, trembling terror had turned loud and frantic with the immediate fact that this was really about to happen.  “I can’t let you go!”  He was crying.  Strong, stubborn Mace, who would never admit he couldn’t do something, was broken down by what was being asked of him now.

Tears tracked down his face, and his embrace was bone-jarring.  “There has to be another way…  We have to be able to…  I can’t just let you die!”

Capa hugged Mace back, caressing the back of his head for a moment.  He took a deep breath, then retrieved the item he’d stored in his pocket in case he had to use it.  Mace gasped at the sudden sharp pain in his leg.

"Please, forgive me."  Capa guided him to the floor as Mace’s muscles went lax.

"You’re going to go to sleep soon.  When you wake up, there will be sunshine."  He pocketed the syringe again, and began wiping the tears from Mace’s face.  "The sky on Earth will be brighter than either of us can ever remember it being."  The cold had started when they were both so young.

"Capa…"  It was a quite, raspy sound.  Panic still gripped Mace’s heart, but drowsiness was taking over his senses.  He tried to grasp Capa’s arm, but his fingers wouldn’t do what he wanted.

"Please, Mace, please forgive me," Capa requested again.  "I would never leave you if there were any other way."  He wiped the pad of his hand under his own eyes.  They had been prepared to die for this mission for a long time, but they had never been prepared for falling in love.

Capa held Mace’s face gently.  “I want you to keep living, okay?  I know you love me, you’ve loved me - I know that, Mace - but you still have your whole life left to live.  I’m telling you now, I want you to be happy.  I want you to fall in love again, enjoy the waves on the beach,” he smiled, sad and brave, “do all the things on Earth you wanted, travel, have kids maybe…  Please, for me, move past this.”

Capa kissed Mace, fiercely, even though Mace couldn’t return it.  “I love you.”

Mace looked into bright blue eyes, then the darkness overtook him.

.

.

When he woke, there was sunshine.


	3. Alternative Ending

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To me, the “real” ending of this story was the one originally posted, with all its implications intact. But I did write this alternative ending at the same time, and I wanted to offer it to anyone who may be interested. It follows immediately after the original ending.

When he woke, there was sunshine.

Only, no, of course he couldn’t see that, he was still in a spaceship.  It was just a yellow bulb blaring light down on him.  The shape of the light and the feeling of padded vinyl under him told him he was in the medical bay.

Oh, god.  Capa.

Mace made sense of what must have happened while he was unconscious, and a sound escaped him - a wet breath and a choke.  For an instant he resisted, _No!_ , but the truth was inescapable.

He covered his face and turned onto his side, a painfully tight curl, and he didn’t give a fuck who might hear him.  The beautiful body and eyes and smile and arms wrapping around him and whispers to each other while they were supposed to be asleep and just _Capa_ , it was all gone.

"Mace, it’s alright."

Searle’s voice by his head. “Just leave me alone!”

"Open your eyes, Mace."

Mace just curled up tighter and didn’t speak, trembling.

Searle sighed at him.  ”Just open your eyes.”

Mace’s eyes cracked open to glare up at him, but they didn’t make it there.  Capa was on the second medical bed, a few feet away from him.

"How?" was the first word Mace managed.

"Kaneda insisted I give him a sedative syringe as well, just in case it was needed," the doctor explained.  "At the last moment, he suddenly said he needed to speak with Capa.  He went down there, drugged him, and went into the Payload himself.  He was able to detonate it successfully."

"So he’s… gone?"  Mace’s feelings were very confused.  He had always respected the captain, it saddened him to learn of his death, but at the same time, he was just so overwhelmingly relieved.

Searle nodded.  Mace dumped himself off of the bed, still unsteady with the drug, and persisted in making it over to Capa’s bed.  It was wide enough for him to crawl onto it and pull the prone physicist into his arms.

"He’ll be out for a while.  The dosage was meant for someone your size," Searle said.

Mace stroked Capa’s face, and Searle knew he was only half being listened to, at the most.

"You know what Kaneda did was incredibly wrong," he continued regardless.  "He risked the mission and the entire human race doing what he did.  It could have gotten complicated - if the interior conditions had been anything but ideal, he wouldn’t have known how to detonate properly."

Mace knew he should have cared, but he couldn’t feel anything but extremely grateful for what the captain had done.  Capa was still here, safe in his arms.


End file.
